I have been thinking lately about how many capable women quietly lower their standards just to keep the people around them comfortable.
Somewhere along the way, we learned that love looks like carrying more. More patience. More emotional labour. More reminders. More forgiveness. More responsibility. More of the weight than was ever ours to hold.
You become the one who notices everything. The one who keeps the relationship moving. The one who keeps the family functioning. The one who carries the emotional weight at home and then overcompensates at work. The one who leads the business, carries the standards, makes the decisions, solves the problems, and still ends up mothering grown adults in places where partnership was supposed to exist.
And because you are capable, you can do it for a long time.
I have learnt to ask myself if I should - just because I can.
One of the things I am learning is that when you keep over-carrying for people who are not interested in carrying their own weight, you do not actually help them. You train them to step back. You train them to need you. You make it easier for them not to grow. You create a dynamic where they never have to fully step up, because some part of you is always mothering them.
And then, slowly, you resent them. Slowly you feel exhausted. Slowly you feel disappointed in them. The relationship starts to feel like it is only working because one person is carrying it on their back. You.
For most women, that at one point becomes a turning point. The moment you realise you are not willing to carry another person's life on your back for much longer.
